Anxiety

Boy did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning! Maybe it was the cold wet nose that was nudging me just a bit too early for my liking, especially on a day when I have to work (& therefore stay up all night).

Actually, I think it's just a really bad week of PMS-related moodiness and anxiety. Like the other night, when DH wanted to go to a brewpub for dinner, I nearly had to walk out of the restaurant because I was so ready to crawl out of my skin. It didn't help that it was incredibly loud in there and it took nearly forever to get our food. The food was quite good when it finally arrived, but not good enough to justify waiting so long.

Yesterday, I was so stressed getting up to my acupuncture appointment. I had no reason for it--left early enough, no traffic issues, had plenty of time--but I was so jumpy just driving up there. After the appointment started and I was laying there with needles in me, I was totally fine and relaxed.

Then, this morning comes and I'm crabby and anxious all over again. Part of it was being awakened before 7am by a dog full of energy while my husband slept in the other room (guess my allergies are making my snoring much, much worse). When we finally got going to get breakfast, I was totally on edge. Then he tells me that he doesn't want to walk the farmers' market with me, despite my having told him a few times this week I wanted to go, and I nearly cried. It's not a total surprise that he doesn't want to go--I've always gone alone in the past--and he did offer to wait in the car with the dog while I went. I really wanted us to go together and pick out some yummy stuff for meals this week. The idea of him sitting in the car would have ruined it for me--even though he truly wouldn't have minded waiting, I would have felt rushed and like I couldn't just wander and enjoy myself. Besides, I thought it would be something we could do together--ya know, something other than Home Depot, which was our other stop of the morning.

I love my DH so much, and he treats me so well, that I know my agitation this morning is my fault and not his. I'm pretty sure that it's just the anxiety of PMS adding to the anxiety of starting IVF stuff. But if this is how the next few weeks or months are going to be, I'm going to have to lock myself away from society for a while.

For now, I'm going to go back to bed!