It seems that DH and I managed to make a couple decisions last night. We went out to dinner after I woke up and, with the help of a margarita, I found the courage to ask him where he stood on the whole "trying again" issue. I was sure he was going to say that he was done, so I was scared to even bring up the subject. I told him that, in my heart, I didn't feel like I was ready to give up just yet. I let him know that I was afraid that, in 5-10 years, I would regret giving up so quickly. I was shocked to learn that he had some of the same thoughts. So, we have decided to try one more time in March of 2011 after our annual tropical getaway for our anniversary.
We did make one stipulation though--we both need to be healthier, physically and mentally, before we start another cycle. I can't help but feel that some of my egg quality issues could be related to my piss-poor diet, my total lack of exercise, and my stress level and crazy emotional roller coaster. I know I've said I wanted to lose weight before, but this time I mean it (yeah, I know I've said that before too). It's a tough time of year to start this type of change, and I am not going to delude myself into thinking that I won't overindulge this week when we are back visiting our families. But, that doesn't have to be a gateway to 6 weeks of gluttony either.
So, I need to call the IVF nurse and let her know what we've decided. I'd like to get my next SSH done soon, so as not to delay our dates next year in case I do need surgery for another fibroid. I also need to make sure it's OK to be on the supplements even longer than we originally planned. In my head, that can only help, but I don't know.
One more decision that we have made recently is to tell our families about our IF struggle. It has been difficult for us to not have family support during all that we have been going through. There have been many times that our phone conversations with our families have not been honest because we haven't let them know what's really happening in our lives. We've both been honest with co-workers and other friends, but not with our families.
I think that the deception initially was borne out of self-preservation. There is a certain type of pressure that only families can exert and neither of us wanted the "are you pregnant yet?" questions every month. When we started TTC, we just knew we would have happy news for them soon, so we would wait until then to tell them. As the months dragged on, we were sure we had made the right choice--disappointing ourselves every month was bad enough, but imagine disappointing the hopeful grandparents and aunties-to-be! When we started with the RE last summer, we had that renewed hope that we would be pregnant soon. We figured we would tell them good news, followed by what it had taken us to get there. Wouldn't we all just chuckle about it then!
When my mom was here during our fifth IUI cycle, she found out about everything out of necessity. There was only so much lying I could do when I had daily appointments with the dildo-cam. She was sworn to secrecy and she stuck to it, thank goodness. We didn't exactly want to tell everyone over the phone, or have them find out from anyone else (facebook has presented a particular challenge), so we are telling DH's parents and my sisters when we are back visiting this week.
I have no idea what kind of reaction to expect. I'm pretty sure my little sis is convinced I'm dying or we're getting divorced or something--she picked up on my depressed FB status posts and caught my mom crying shortly after our failed cycle. Shoot, maybe IF news will be a relief for her! I know they will be supportive and it will be such a relief to be honest about such big events in our lives. I haven't decided yet whether I will point them toward this blog--I don't want to lose my safe space to vent about everything, but it would make it easier to keep them updated this way instead of repeated "how's it going" phone calls. So I guess I do have one more decision to make.
Anyone have any feedback on families reading their blogs? Did you feel like you couldn't be as open on your blog, knowing that you might need to vent about them but couldn't? Or did you find it helpful to keep them informed and less likely to bug you with questions?
Consumption 20
1 day ago
8 comments:
I don't have anything to add re: telling your family about your blog since my blog is secret from everyone.
But I do think it's a great idea that you are letting your family in. Even though mine can be a bunch of nuts sometimes, their support has been really helpful.
I am looking forward to hearing how it goes. We have been considering sharing with our families, but still haven't done it. As for your blog, it depends on how much you plan on telling them. I find myself saying things on my blog that I would likely not say to my in-laws, so for me, I will always try my best to keep my blog top secret!
It sounds like you and your hubs are on the same page, how very important. I have always felt that having a plan in place help me to slog through the months.
As for your family, having support is so important as long as it can be on your own terms. If you want to be honest be sure to let people know that you may need to not talk about things once and a while, at least how thats how it is for me. I could never have my family read my blog, I drop the F-bomb way too much!
I am very open and honest with my parents about our IF and yes, both of my parents read my blog. Sometimes it gets a little TMI for dad, but he knows what he's getting into! As far as hubs' side, they don't even know we're trying.
I couldn't have made it this far without my parents' support! My close group of friends all know about the IF stuff and IVF in general terms but do not know about the blog. I do need a place to vent and worry and obsess. But I tell my mom pretty much everything anyway, so there's nothing I've ever really thought twice about saying.
I'm so glad to hear you & dh are on the same page and have a plan in place.
It helps to have a plan and a timeline.
My family knows about the IF, since very early on..but they do not know about my blog. I don't want to have to censor myself and I might if my Mom or Dad was reading.
Good luck!
I have been pretty open with my family about our struggles and though they are supportive, we have decided not to tell them that we are in the middle of our first IVF cycle right now. They know that IVF is in our plans; they just think that it is in future plans. I thought that them knowing would bring extra stress to my already stressed state. But maybe I will regret that and wish that I would have told them. My parents are wonderful but I just feel like they really don't know what incredible pain IF brings- and so they sometimes unintentionally say some pretty insensitive things. In my opinion I would keep your blog private so that you that if you do not want to share every piece of information all the time, you have that choice. Best of luck!
Awesome decision-making skills! So cool that hubby was on the same page. :-) On the blog front....I shared mine with friends/family and totally regretted it. I ended up changing my URL.....it's just so much safer and feels more easy-going when you know things are completely private. Just my input.
I'm so glad my blog is not read by anyone outside the computer. It gives me a space to vent and let it all out and not have to worry about who is reading.
Thank you for the kind comment you left at my blog, I really appreciated it.
Post a Comment