It's official...

I'm not pregnant yet again. The old hag arrived this morning, along with her luggage full of bloating, cramping, and moodiness. I knew she would be arriving soon, with all the BFN's I had over the weekend, so I'm actually not as psycho about it as I have been in the past. I went to the store and bought some chocolate last night in preparation for her arrival. So, my plan for tonight is to park myself on the couch and watch a chick flick or start getting caught up on my TiVo'ed episodes of Grey's. The hubby is out of town on business, so I can veg out and nobody can complain.

I've decided I'm OK with taking a break this cycle, too. I went for a nice long hike yesterday (well, it wouldn't have taken as long if I were in better shape) and had plenty of time to think. Most of the time I was just trying to keep moving and keep my heart from exploding, but at the times when I could hear the voices in my head over the pounding in my ears, I was very relaxed about everything. Staring at the mountains always helps me to relax and put things in perspective. What's one more month in the grand scheme of things?

There's really no definite deadline to all of this yet, so why keep stressing myself over 30ish measly days. I'm going on a trip with my hubby mid-month and I'd love for it to turn out better than the last one we took, where I cried in my room when AF arrived and I was surrounded by pregnant women at the pool and beach.

I've thought about going back to charting and OPK's during this non-treatment cycle, but I'd really like to not think about it for a while. I'd like to just be intimate with my husband because we want to be, not because the timing could be right. So, I'm going to try really hard to put TTC out of my head for a little while and just work on being kinder to myself and my body. It can't hurt to try to be healthier for when we start up again in May. And who knows, maybe all those people who tell me to "just relax, it'll happen" might be onto something?